Wonderful Sweet Scarlett.

I absolutely LOVED spending time with Scarlett while Little Mama and Daddy-A zipped off to Hawaii. It is a tender mercy that their trip was planned during the time frame it was, so I could have the opportunity not only to endear Wonderful Sweet Scarlett to me (Gigi), but also so I could be in UT during a difficult and stressful time for my family and spend some precious final days with my sister, J.

The following may be a Scarlett picture overload, but I collaged to condense a bit. 

These are some of my favorite pics during the week:

Great Grandma G has some great noisy toys that Scarlett loved. She also got quite the thrill from walking up and down the sloped treadmill. Hills and slopes were an overall favorite activity... up... and down... up... and down... you get the drift.

Our second evening together, Scarlett discovered that lever-handled doors are easy to open, especially when the deadbolt is not locked (I thought it was). Figuring she just needed a quick breath of fresh night air, I followed her out the front door, down the front steps, and down the driveway. It was about 9pm at night, dark, and Scarlett was barefoot. She headed down the sidewalk, and we walked, and walked, and walked, Scarlett leading the way. She would stop to check something out, discovered a nice sloped driveway and went up... and down... at least 10 times, then continued the journey down the sidewalk. We seriously walked further down my parents' street than I have ever walked before. Finally I made the decision that the walk was over, picked up that sweet baby, and headed back towards home.

On Saturday we planned a picnic at a nearby park. Jason and Lex had come down from ID, and Taylor and Lynnea had come up from Orem. Lexee quickly became Scarlett's "person" probably because she looked a lot like Little Mama with her hair up (we concluded this when, on Sunday, Lex wore her hair down and Scarlett wanted nothing to do with her. No. Thing.). Scarlett loved the colorful balls we were using in the kickball croquet game, so everyone took a turn switching out their ball color once Scarlett commandeered the one they were using. The day was super sunny and hot - a beautiful fall day at the park. Grandma and Grandpa G. left early because of serious concerns with J, so despite the great weather, fun games, and amazing company, the memory holds a bit of sadness, too.

After our time at the park, we decided to head into Salt Lake City to Rita's (yum!) on our way to IKEA, where Jason and Lex wanted to look for a kitchen table.

Since Scheel's was in the same parking lot as Rita's, we took a pit-stop there to check out the fish tank, taxidermized animals, and such (weights and ammo haha).

Sunday afternoon Mar, Scarlett, Grandpa Great and I headed over to the elementary school park down the street. We discovered that there was another kiddie segment to the park that was new and full of super fun spinning and bouncing things. (This happens to also be the park where, 18 years ago, I slipped with a 15-month-old Shilo in my arms and broke her leg. Ahhh, memories.)

On Monday evening we headed over to Taylor and Lynnea's, where Scarlett played the night away with Auntie NayNay (her "person" for a while), who had put out a spread of stuffed animals, books, a hello-kitty blankie, and a pillow-recliner for her to enjoy. I'm so sad I neglected to snap a few pictures. This was the evening J passed away, and I think we were all subdued and a bit numb after receiving the news. It was a blessing (for me) to be together. That night, after the hour drive home, Scarlett was beat and went straight to bed. My mom and dad arrived home a little bit later, and we talked briefly, then all headed to bed, drained, sad, and exhausted. Just as Mar and I were settling in to our blow-up mattress, welcoming blessed sleep, we heard Scarlett cough in the bedroom. "Did you hear that?" Mar asked. Scarlett started crying, so I went in to console and get her back to sleep, only to find that she had thrown up all over her bed. "That's what I thought I heard," Mar said. Nice. I was too tired to change and wash the bedding, so after changing Scarlett and giving her a little sippy cup of chocolate milk, she laid down on my chest as we settled in for the night on the blow-up mattress. Moments later Scarlett threw up all over me (dang, that chocolate milk). I carefully handed her to Auntie M, and she proceeded to throw up all over her. This was definitely one of those "I'm too old for this" moments. But, as Lolo would say, we survived!  I changed Scarlett, then Mar and I took turns changing our pjs, then I changed out the bedding. Finally we all managed to slip off to dreamland... around 2am. 

Tuesday Scarlett was feeling much better, and that night we went back over to the park with Great Grandma and Grandpa. We may have thrown off Scarlett's schedule a bit, but she was happy as a clam to be at the park in the dark. We would often chuckle about what a little gal like Scarlett thought about all the changes she was experiencing... I would joke that she was surely thinking, "This is my new life."

Wednesday morning Little Billy flew in, and he quickly became Scarlett's "person." It was a huge help to have him there so I could run errands and help with anything my mom and dad needed. I was so, so happy that Scarlett still loved her grandpa, but a little sad that she could so quickly change her affections. I loved being her "person"!! (I was definitely an I'll-take-it-if-it's-the-only-option "person" for her haha.)

Little Mama and Daddy-A flew in on Thursday morning. Bill went to the airport to pick them up while I stayed with Scarlett at Great Grandma and Grandpa's. We were all excited to see what her reaction would be when she saw them.

I would say she was happy. Possibly a bit confused, since I'm sure she was convinced of her new life with Gigi, Little Billy, and Auntie M. Most likely very relieved that it wasn't so. Haha.

I loved every minute... except for a few of the late, late night ones.
I would totally do it again. And again. And again.

Loss and Compensation.

"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." (Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin)

It's been a crazy hard couple of weeks. Not what I was expecting.

I was expecting to babysit Wonderful Sweet Scarlett, and glad for the opportunity to help J.J. a little with her recovery from a mastectomy. I was hoping to go to the zoo, and wondered if J would feel good enough to go - if not, we could maybe take her to a park where she could get some fresh air. My mom had already postponed the planned family pictures on Wednesday - J was just too sick.

I drove to Utah on Tuesday, and late that afternoon my mom and dad, Jill, and I went to visit J.
She had not been sleeping well, could not keep any food down, and had a lot of pain in her back. She hadn't had a bath or shower since the surgery and felt yucky. My mom offered to help her take a bath, and Jill and I assisted.
My mom cried to see J in such pain.
After a bath (and a thorough shampoo... yay for hair!), we helped her get dressed, then tried to help with her comfort by scratching her back and rubbing her feet. We determined that we would be back the following day to give her a mani/pedi, and to rub her dry legs and arms down with lotion. We talked about what color she would like for her nails... purple, of course.

It is a helpless feeling to see someone suffer and feel that there is nothing you can do to relieve it.
We were grasping for anything.

The following morning Jill and I went to grab a few things for J.
Purple nail polish. A new bath pouf. A couple of yummy-smelling bath bombs. Tingly shampoo. Lotion. Perfume. Popsicles, pudding, and nutrition drinks. A few seasonal things - a scented candle, a fun silver skull, and a super big pumpkin. Things, we were hoping, that would help make her recovery a bit nicer, help her to focus on positive things, and look forward to the future when she would feel better.

Then my mom and dad, Jill, and I headed back to J's.

 My mom tried to get her to eat, in hopes that she would be able to keep it down.
(I love the above pic of my dad smiling at J... and J smiling... my mom looking like maybe it wasn't that funny... I wish I could remember what we were talking about)

 Jill and I soaked her feet, scrubbed her calluses, painted her nails, and rubbed down her legs and arms. We had purchased 2 colors of purple nail polish, one light, one bright, plus a super cool pink sparkle with an applicator that lit up. After some discussion, it was decided among the girls to do J's toes bright, and her fingers light with sparkle.

Unfortunately, I don't have any pics of me with J that day... regrets, for sure.

Scarlett came to stay with me at my mom and dad's house Wednesday evening (along with Britt and Austin - who were flying out to Hawaii Thursday morning). From the time I dropped them off at the airport the next day, Scarlett was all mine. I worried about how she would transition, but she handled it without a hitch. No tears (about Gigi taking care of her). I loved that! My mom was spending the day at J's on Thursday, and Jill went over again a little later in the day.
Jill flew out Friday, and Mauri flew in. My mom, again, spent the day at J's.

I will post another time about Wonderful Sweet Scarlett and the amazing time I spent with her. There may have been a moment or two that I thought, "I am definitely too old for this," but it was a huge blessing to be able to care for her, hold her, snuggle her, kiss her, and get to know that darling grandbaby of mine (and she LOVED me!). And I count it as a huge blessing that I was there, in Utah, to babysit her, not only for the time it gave me to spend with J, but also for the help and support I could be to my parents and my family.

J went into the ICU Saturday.
My mom went and stayed with her Sunday.
I had the opportunity to visit with her Monday for nearly 5 hours.
During my time with her at the hospital, it was determined that J would not recover.
Her liver was failing. Her kidneys were failing. Her gallbladder was full of infection.
I was with her when she was asked if she'd like to go home. "Yes," she said.

 (I love these pics. At the time J had my dad on one side, and her husband, Jon, on the other.
Above: my dad holding her hand; Below: Jon holding her hand.)

Arrangements were made to transport her home and put her on hospice care. I gave her a kiss, told her I loved her, then headed back to my parents' house to be with Scarlett and Mar.

As I think back, I feel like all the signs were there - that she would not be with us much longer (mere hours) - but I think it's easy to convince yourself that there will be more time. I don't know what I was expecting, but I thought at LEAST a couple more weeks. I thought there would be more opportunities to visit her, comfort her, help her.

That evening I was in the car with Taylor and Lynnea, Scarlett and Mar when I got the phone call from my dad.
Jana had passed away 30 minutes after arriving home.

The rest of the week just all jumbles together.
There were a lot of tears shed,
interspersed with good memories, love and support from family and friends, laughter and gratitude.
So many tender mercies and blessings to be counted, leading to greater faith and strengthened testimonies of the glorious plan of salvation.

  

My BIL, Stan, put together this video to show at the viewing and prior to the funeral:

From Jana's burial site you can see the spire of the Bountiful Temple.
I can't imagine a more beautiful place to be laid to rest.

Bill, Mar and I drove home late Sunday night.

Monday morning I listened again to the first session of General Conference. I couldn't believe the amazing comfort and peace the words from apostles and other church leaders brought to me. It was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment.

Elder M. Russell Ballard: 

"Every time I hold a newborn child, I find myself wondering: 'Who are you, little one? What will you become through the Atonement of Christ?' We ask similarly reflective questions when someone we love dies: 'Where are they? What are they seeing and experiencing? Does life continue? What will be the nature of our most cherished relationships in the great world of the spirits of the dead?' In that world, our family has two granddaughters... and a grandson. With each grandchild's passing, we as a family held on to the gospel truths with both hands. Our questions were answered with comfort and assurance through the Atonement of the Savior. Although we miss our grandchildren, we know they live, and we know we will see them again. How grateful we are for this spiritual understanding in times of personal and familial turbulence."

Sister Neill F. Marriott:

"Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!

Thou art the Potter; I am the clay.

Mould me and make me After Thy will,

While I am waiting, Yielded and still.

...Following [our daughter's] mortal death, our feelings were raw, we struggled, and still today we have moments of great sorrow, but we hold to the understanding that no one ever really dies. Despite our anguish when [her] physical body stopped functioning, we had faith that she went right on living as a spirit, and we believe we will live with her eternally if we adhere to our temple covenants."

Elder Francisco J. Viñas:

"Through our experience in life, we learn that joy in this world is not full, but in Jesus Christ our joy is full. He will give us strength so we will not have to suffer any manner of afflictions save they are swallowed up in His joy.

...The death of someone we love can leave an empty place in our soul...

...In those difficult moments in our lives, the pleasing word of God that heals the wounded soul brings the following message of comfort to our heart and mind:

'Peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high.'" (D&C 121:7-8)

Elder Quentin L. Cook:

"Happiness in this life and happiness in the life to come are interconnected by righteousness. Even in the period between death and the Resurrection, 'the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace.'

My dear brothers and sisters, life is not easy, nor was it meant to be. It is a time of testing and trial. Like the old ships in Bristol Harbor, there will be times when the tide goes out and it seems as if everything in this world keeping us afloat disappears. We may hit the bottom and even be tipped over on our sides. Amid such trials, I promise you that living and maintaining temple-worthy lives will hold together all that really matters. The sweet blessings of peace, happiness, and joy, along with the blessings of eternal life and celestial glory with our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, will be realized."

I know this was from the second session, but feel it's applicable as well. I hope to never have to experience the death of my child, and can only imagine the sorrow that accompanies it.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland:

"... No love in mortality comes closer to approximating the pure love of Jesus Christ than the selfless love a devoted mother has for her child... You see, it is not only that they bear us, but they continue bearing with us. It is not only the prenatal carrying but the lifelong carrying that makes mothering such a staggering feat."

I will end as I began:
"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.

One of the blessings of the gospel is the knowledge that when the curtain of death signals the end of our mortal lives, life will continue on the other side of the veil. There we will be given new opportunities. Not even death can take from us the eternal blessings promised by a loving Heavenly Father."
(Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin)

(Seriously so NOT a coincidence that Lolo wrote about this very talk this week, too!)

Blood Moon, Braces, and a Selfie Stick.

I finally chose the option the other day to "rebuild" my iphoto library and it's {at least temporarily} back in business. Woot woot! I hurried and pulled some pics of Lex and Jason off so I can order a print for my hallway at last! Yes, Jason, we are so so happy to have you in the family!!

Here are a few quick pics from life lately:

 Mar caught a couple of good shots of the blood moon the other night...
these are right out our back door. A big thank you to the Sisters who mentioned it when they got home - we would have totally forgotten all about it. You church girls rock! (I can't help but call them church girls, since that is what Lolo gets called in jolly old London...)

This is just a random pic of Jack-o. And a shot of Ava's behind. I love those pups.

Mar got her braces off. Another woot woot for that!
Here's the before:

And the after:

She has the typical Syddall puffy gums (you sibs know what I'm talking about), and she can't wait to whiten, so she didn't want a close-up... yet.

Bill had a selfie stick given to him from a Progressive meeting he attended (he also received a Progressive FLO costume, which Mar is determined to use for Halloween). We thought it {the selfie stick} would only work with Mar's iphone (neither Bill or I have one), but with Mar's ingenuity she discovered it worked with our phones, too.

Oh we had a few moments of fun with the selfie stick late at night, right after a Teen Safe Driving presentation Bill did for Legend High School.

Life has been hectic. My days are so, so full. I wouldn't be posting today except for the fact that my car wouldn't start this morning... not that I don't have a million and one things I could be doing around home, haha.

I'm supa excited for conference, even though I have to work through the first session (going to try and catch that Saturday evening), and Mar has a piano recital during the first 30 minutes of the second session. Bill's response when he heard about our my busy Saturday, "Why are we so busy? Can't we just sit down and listen to conference together as a family??" That probably wasn't the BEST thing to say to me at the end of a long day (last Monday) with the prospect of week of long days in preparation for my fall break trip to Utah...

I am doing my best.
I am not excusing not sitting down to watch conference on Saturday as a family - I would LOVE to do that!
I am also trying to clean the house (for our Sunday conference luncheon),
plan, grocery shop, and prepare food for 30 - ??? people (for the luncheon),
decorate for Halloween (it won't be worth doing after I get back),
arrange carpools (I'm leaving Tuesday, Mar will fly in Friday since school is in through Thursday),
squeeze in hair clients (because I really do NEED to work and retention is important),
help a stressed-out daughter with her homework so she can attend the youth temple night (I spent 2 hours making flashcards),
attend the temple (I have a lot o' family names to keep working on),
get Mar's school sports physical + doctor advice on a few concerns she has,
encourage my daughter's musical talent (thus the recital on Saturday + a choir concert this Monday evening),
and pack for an 11-12 day trip to Utah, in hopes of leaving by 6am Tuesday.

I concur. We are busy. 
And my feet are killing me.
And I am emotionally drained helping an anxious daughter, a very busy husband, and worrying about a sick little sis.

It will all be worth it!
I can't wait to be on my way (if my car will ever start)!
Here I come, Scarlett!
Here I come, Jana!
Here I come, Britt and Austin!
Here I come, Tay and Lynnea!
Here I come, Lex and Jason (they might be coming down from ID)!
Here I come, moms and dads!

I just have to make it through the next 3 days.
I know I can, I know I can, I know I can.

Post post ~  I am cutting back on my facebook time... a long post for another day. I did, however, want to post on "National Daughter's Day" (if it really WAS National Daughter's Day - I don't have time to check those things), but didn't have access to Big Mac's iphoto (now rebuilt... yay!). So here is the pic I wanted to share:

I am one lucky momma. I love these amazing daughters!

Post post post: I tried to google National Daughter's Day... and apparently it's really National Daughter's and Son's Day on August 11th. Just because someone says it's National Daughter Day on Sept. 25th... or 26th... or whatever day you happened to see it passed around on fb (or Twitter), doesn't mean it actually is. Just goes to show you what that crazy social media can do. I've been on a soap box about it the past few days... don't get me started.