I've been a bit "off" lately. More cranky. More out of sorts.
Things I've attributed it to:
Cutting way way back on my daily/weekly candy/sugar intake.
Plantar fasciitis + a whole lot o' foot pain.
Eating (and drinking) things that are "healthy" but don't necessarily taste great.
Exercising more, eating right, but NOT losing weight and dealing with ridiculous foot pain (telling myself to "embrace the pain"... it is, after all, JUST PAIN).
Tapering off my anxiety/depression medication (I'll bet you think that's it, don't you? I know Billy-my-hero does).
Stopping my arthritis medication cold turkey (I checked it out - it's okay to do that).
Waiting, not-so-patiently, for a break from the day-to-day.
Missing being near the majority of my children and my only grandchild.
This morning I started out grumpy again.
I've been wearing my foot brace at night for as long as I can tolerate it, but that's usually only a couple hours at most. Before I get out of bed I do a routine of foot exercises - and when you have a post-midlife bladder, it's tricky to git 'er done before putting your full weight on your feet so you can hit the bathroom asap. I haven't exercised this week because I haven't had the time and/or the constitution to battle through the pain.
I had a verbal tussle with Bill.
I was feeling frustrated and under-appreciated.
And my foot hurt.
After Bill left for work, I sat down to make a work-out schedule and printed out some basic exercises. Still feeling off, I headed upstairs to do some stretching/yoga in the sunlight flooding through my bedroom window (sunlight helps elevate your mood, you know). That dang foot still hurt. I said a prayer (the fourth or fifth of the day so far). It was one of those prayers where you say, "Really? Am I really going to have to live with this for the rest of my life? What more can I do?" Kinda ironic, since during our scripture time last night Mar and I started reading about Job.
I asked for help. I asked for answers. I asked for forgiveness for my crankiness.
As I sat in the sunlight, I started to massage my foot. At the initial diagnosis of plantar fasciitis, both feet were in similar pain. My right foot hardly bothers me at all now, and I've felt that the pain in my left foot has changed.
Bill has asked on several occasions "Is it muscular? Is it the tendons? Is it joint pain?"
I DON'T KNOW.
During this mini-massage session (no, this is not a relaxing and enjoyable kind of massage), it dawned on me that the source of the pain seemed to be on the top of my foot near the center, which triggered a memory.
I had gone to a different podiatrist/orthopedic specialist at the time (hated him, which is why I didn't go back once I thought my toe was healed). Later, when my plantar fasciitis pain worsened (and on recommendation from my rheumatologist that I see a podiatrist), I asked friends for a referral of a trusted doctor, who has since treated my plantar fasciitis with knowledge and skill. I'm not sure I ever mentioned to him that I had {somewhat recently} broken my toe (seriously, that seems like soooooo long ago).
Since today's enlightenment (which I can only attribute as an answer to my desperate prayer), I feel like dancing (not really, my foot hurts) and jumping up and down (mentally, of course). I once again feel hopeful that NO, I won't have to live with this {ridiculous pain, limping and hobbling around} for the rest of my life. Yes, I may be able to run and not be weary {from pain}, and walk and not faint {on the couch because I just can't take it anymore}.
It is a tender mercy. An answer via personal revelation from a loving Heavenly Father. A new hope (not in a Star Wars kind of way haha). "...weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." With this in mind, I can endure carefully until I meet with my doctor (after Spring Break).
Feeling loved,