Remember, Remember

(Printable here)

After General Conference last month, we decided that each of us would take one of our favorite talks and give a family home evening lesson on it. Bill went first (The Windows of Heaven), then Shilo (Look Up), Mar (General Conference: Strengthening Faith and Testimony), and I (Decisions for Eternity). Because of her work schedule, Lex is hit-and-miss at FHE, so I'm hoping she's home this next Monday - I can't wait to hear her lesson. It's been great to review and have discussion on the counsel and direction we were given by prophets, seers, and revelators and other General Authorities.

Shilo made a cute, laminated handout for us put on our mirrors as a reminder of her lesson (thanks, Pinterest), so Mar and I followed suit.

In my lesson preparation, I found it interesting to read through the entire page of notations that Elder Nelson included. We had a great discussion on the importance of self-mastery and I was reminded of how much I need to be... reminded in my constant struggle to master self.

Last week at the temple, my friend Marci and I sat through a chapel meeting prior to a session where one of the temple presidency spoke. His message was based on the word REMEMBER. He told us that once we had attended the temple to receive ordinances for ourselves, one of the reasons we return is to remember. He talked about the extensive use of the word remember in the scriptures. Most of what he said I had heard before, but that is exactly the point.
I needed to remember.

That is why I take the sacrament each week.
That is why I read the scriptures over and over again.
That is why I feel lifted and inspired when I attend my church meetings each Sunday, even though many of the messages of the talks, testimonies, lessons, and commentary I have heard before.
That is why I listen and re-listen to conference talks.
That is why I go to the temple when I need perspective and peace.
That is why I love looking through old scrapbooks and digital photo albums.
That is why I keep a personal history (via blog right now).

To remember.

How easily, in the midst of conflict, frustration, challenges, hormones, schedules, and everything else that comes at me each day, I forget.

2 Nephi 4:15-35
(I would type it out, but it's long.)

"Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us..." Hebrews 12:1

"And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall." Helaman 5:12


Speaking of remembering, Mar had Crazy Hair Day at school a while back:

(10.08.13)

While perusing some digital photo albums I came across these:

(09.19.08)

A reminder about how time flies.
The 2008 crazy hair pics were taken a mere two days after these:

Wings of lightning.
That's good to remember.

A Softened Heart

I wish I was a better writer.

(I love Jenifer's blog: a deep thinker + a gift of expression)

I'm okay, but good, heart-felt, inspiring writing is not one of my great talents.

I'm a surface writer. I feel more comfortable sharing events and observations, but not so much personal thoughts and feelings. On the occasion I have felt to share what I later consider a little too much, I'll quickly post something new in an effort to camouflage or hide those things that feel tender, sensitive, or not very flattering.

That said, I'm jumping in to some deeper thoughts, self evaluation, and recognized blessings from this past week. 

I'll begin by saying that I've been struggling a bit lately. Some of the reasons I have shared... in a round-about-I-don't-want-to-get-too-personal kind of way. Some I haven't. Here's the short list:

 (1) Finances.

Billy-my-hero made the decision to make a career change a few years back and to build a business from the ground up. He had every confidence that the business would flourish and, despite the initial hefty salary drop, we would be better off a few years down the road (I decided to give it 2). He had always dreamed of building a business, and when the ideal opportunity presented itself, he prayerfully pondered, received revelation, then proceeded forward. I have every confidence that this was the direction he was meant to go (he was given a blessing from a member of our Stake Presidency over a year before a career change was ever considered that told him that even though his career would not be what he expected, he would find great joy and fulfillment in it - we both thought it was strange at the time, but looking back we feel it was pure revelation, meant for us to draw on in such a time as this). 

Two years have come and gone. Our financial situation remains the same. We have cut back in every area possible. Billy-my-hero humbly drives the vehicle we purchased for our children to drive years ago. We sold our "nice" car to help cover some of the costs of Tay and Britt's weddings, and purchased a used vehicle (still referred to as the "nice" car) in it's place. When Bill's car was totaled in a hailstorm (parked at the church while I attended a Relief Society Meeting), we cashed it in and used the money to pay bills. We have refinanced our house. I finally came to the conclusion that I needed to work more (I had been subbing as a special needs EA here and there), and, following a prompting I had received several years earlier, searched for a way to use my license as a hairdresser. After prayerfully pondering, researching, town hall visits, and phone calling (and lots of dead ends - not to be confused with split ends), I was presented with a great opportunity to share a salon space - a tender mercy. I have had great support from friends and family, but, much like Bill's company, my salon business has been taking time to grow. It required a substantial investment in product and supplies initially, plus a steady inventory investment. Some weeks/months have been great, others have not. There have been times when the amount in my salon account was almost to-the-penny what we needed to make a purchase (the most recent occurrence was for Shilo's suit/warm-ups for the upcoming high school swim season - I had just under a dollar left after covering the entire cost - tender mercy).

(2) Hormones.

I have shared a little about my hormonal issues. I am eternally grateful to Elder Holland for this talk. I realize that not all women have the same experiences. I also believe that it is difficult to understand something you have never experienced (brings the Atonement into perspective). To say I have felt unduly afflicted is a true statement. A couple years back I visited a doctor specializing in hormone therapy. He took my blood to check my levels and sent it off to the lab. In his results, it listed my estradiol as 0 (along with the statement, "most women feel best when it is greater than 50"), and my levels for progesterone and testosterone were low as well. I started biodentical hormone replacement therapy, which definitely improved my levels, but it was expensive. I decided to look into some less pricey options, which eventually led to the decision to try a progesterone-excreting Mirena IUD along with an estrogen patch. I've been on this therapy for almost a year, and feel that the results have been okay. I believe it's helped, but I also feel that there are some holes - I still have low energy and some fairly major PMS swings, which lately seem to escalate into bouts of near-debilitating anxiety + fog brain (not a good combination).

(3) Service.

I love to serve. I truly believe that through serving others, our own problems are diminished. However. I have struggled a little bit with Billy-my-hero serving as the Bishop of our ward. I'll admit I have asked myself the question again and again, why now? Why now - when he is devoting so much time to building a business to support his family? Why now - when I have struggled with crazy hormones and feel a need for regular and loving support from my beloved spouse? Why now - when my children aren't around as much and don't need as much of my time and talents and I feel lonely? Why now - when I can't use shopping therapy or vacation therapy or even a quick trip to visit my out-of-state kids to help alleviate my loneliness? Why now - when we can't afford to "get away" and reconnect as a couple on a regular basis?

We have discussed solutions to our financial tightness, one of which would be to move. Bill has expressed his desire to serve his full term as Bishop, however long that may be. I have not been able to give my full support in that desire.

Now let's go back to this past week.

Last Sunday was our Primary Children's Sacrament Meeting Program.

The program was sweet. I enjoyed listening and watching the faces of those beautiful children as they talked and sang (it was the first time in three years that I wasn't the chorister - and the first time in 21 years I haven't had a child participating). After the program, Bill got up to give a few comments. As he was talking, I had a clear and undeniable impression that I was to support Bill in his calling. Period.

I felt peace at that moment.

Fast forward to Monday: I felt conflicted. Confused. Frustrated.

Hard-hearted.

(I hadn't shared my impression with Bill, by the way. It is often difficult to find a time prior to 9pm - when I turn into a pumpkin - to have a meaningful, uninterrupted conversation.)

In my need to release my pent-up anxiety, I unloaded on a couple of my friends.

I don't know if they realize that just by patiently listening, then offering suggestions and advice, they were both tender mercies to me that day.

On Tuesday a friend from our ward came over to give me a one-on-one tutorial on using Family Search. I had been given the assignment in Sunday School to do something that week on my Family History, then to report back to the class the following Sunday. I was surprised to find a name on my pedigree chart of an ancestor that needed all her temple ordinances done. I consider it a miracle.

On Wednesday I had agreed to attend a baptism session at the temple with the youth in our ward. Mauri was able to be baptized and confirmed for the name I had found the day before. Miracle.

Traditional donuts following a temple baptism session. This time at Krispy Kreme. Yum.

I attended the temple again on Friday with my friend Marci. Her husband serves as the Bishop in the ward we split from 18 months ago. She has been a huge blessing in my life. Before heading out that morning, I listened to this talk by Elder Dyches.

I was struck by the following passages:

"The Great Physician, full of compassion, still knew that faith must precede the miracle..."

"As we draw near to Him, we realize that mortality is meant to be difficult and that 'opposition in all things' is not a flaw in the plan of salvation. Opposition, rather, is the indispensable element of mortality and strengthens our will and refines our choices."

"'This do in remembrance of me' is what our Savior asked when He instituted what we call the sacrament. This ordinance with bread and water renews sacred covenants we have made with God and invites the power of the Atonement into our lives. We are healed by abandoning the habits and lifestyles that harden hearts and stiffen necks. When we lay down 'the weapons of our rebellion', we become 'agents unto [ourselves]', no longer blinded by the sophistry of Satan or deafened by the discordant noise of the secular world."

After the session, Marci and I talked. She said that coming to the temple was so good for her because she could feel her heart change when she was there. Throughout the session I had thought about how I have been hard-hearted concerning the current challenges in my life, and had determined that I needed to soften my heart. Have faith. Expect miracles. Lay aside the things of the world.
Marci's comments were a blessing. They uplifted and strengthened me, and increased my resolve to be better and to do better.

Our lesson in Sunday School this week was on Finding Joy in Temple and Family History Work.

I found joy this week.
And peace. And resolve. And love. And miracles. And blessings.
I am trying to be consciously aware of the state of my heart.


I loved this post by Stephanie Nielson - I only wish I could have thought of this when my kids were younger. I think I will do it with my grandchildren (unless their parents want to)...

Sugar Rush: Halloween 2013

Yep, it's Fast Sunday. We still have boatloads of this laying around. Ohhhhh so tempting.

Fasting is good, though, especially when you have a great need for blessings and strength, which I most certainly do.
I'm telling my physical body (and salivary glands) to back off.

Halloween 2013. Mar's last year to trick-or-treat. Even though her friends said they weren't going, there was no way that Mar was going to miss out on this final opportunity to wrangle up a pillowcase full of treats. She had called around to find someone to go with, but to no avail. That was NOT stopping her. She would go anyway.

TrunkOrTreat night. Mar had decided to be a princess this year. She begged me to take her to Goodwill where she spotted this awesome broomstick skirt with enough room for a princess-inspired poofy slip. Yeah, I can sockless-bun with the best. Seriously, can you believe what a beautiful day that was??

On Halloween night, we snapped a few pics before Mar and Bill headed out into the dark of the neighborhood.

We certainly could not let the holiday go by without dressing up the pups. They wore the same costumes they wore last year (for budgeting purposes), but this year Ava had a princess buddy.

Since I returned late from a Dr. appt. for Lex (deep in the heart of the heavily trafficked city) Mar was anxious for me to whip up another sockless bun. 5 minutes. Bigger and better than the last one. 

Oh yeah.

And they were off. About the third house in, Mar picked up a few friends to trick-or-treat with. Some of those girls decided they DID want to go after all. 

Trick-or-treaters were pretty scarce in our neighborhood this year. I had mostly teenagers, with a few tiny tikes here and there. I tried to be careful with my candy purchases (for health weight AND budgeting purposes), but still ended up with a lot left over. Mar brought home a hefty pillowcase loaded with sweet things, from which I made numerous selections. 

Sugar rush.

Here are a couple other fun seasonal pics courtesy of my phone camera library:

Creepy google-eyed-fuzzy-hatted-big-nosed Mar.

Creepy google-eyed-fuzzy-hatted-big-nosed Mar. To the negative. 

Google-eyed Ava. 

Google-eyed Jack. 

Farmer Jack.

TrunkOrTreat.

Some quick TrunkOrTreat Fall Festival shots:

 This was a hay THRILL ride. Not much keeping those hay bales on the trailer and a speedy driver.

 Bill's photo bomb.

 Bill and I spotted our "nerdy daughter" running around and had to grab a pic. She was such a good sport.

Some of the festivities at the festival included games (glow-in-the-dark bowling, fishing pond, balloon pop, cake walk, donut-on-a-string, etc, etc, etc.), a parking lot skate rink and pumpkin launcher (for the older youth - all outside and we couldn't have had better weather), costume parade, pie-eating contest, and dessert buffet. We got all sugared up, then headed out to the trunk or treat.

Of course it was a good time.

TrunkOrTreat Preview

I've gotten a little carried away with the fun effects on my phone camera.

This is just a preview. A glimpse. A snippet. If you can't figure out what we are, I will enlighten you once I finish compiling all the pictures from my numerous sources. (Okay, really only two, but for whatever reason, my phone photos do not want to be sent at the moment. Plus I really REALLY need a nap before the girls and I start madly cleaning for BYD because the location changed this morning to our house and it's a disaster from all the seriously-sun-up-to-sundown TrunkOrTreat preparations made yesterday.)

Friendship.

I like William Arthur Ward. I really, really like him.

Sometimes I see a quote that I really like, and when I search to find the author, it turns out to be him.

Fall Break

It was Fall Break last week.

We did not plan a fun destination getaway since we will be going to UT for Thanksgiving Break

(a whole week this year.... woot! woot!).

Instead, we made plans to sleep in.

And work on Personal Progress.

(I'm pushing Shilo along - she's almost finished - and moving Mar along in the process.)

Other than that, we didn't have much going.

Shi had swim practice every day, and Lex, Shi, and I all dutifully went to work.

Mar pretty much hung out.

On Tuesday, Mar and I were invited by our friends to go to the Celestial Seasonings factory.

I wasn't sure the hour+ drive one-way to visit a TEA factory (we don't drink tea...do we?) was worth the time (Shi, Mar and I had previously planned to go grocery shopping as part of a Personal Progress value experience), but Mar really wanted to go. We adjusted our schedule, and decided to make the trip.

It was the most beautiful, crisp fall day,
and the drive was a great time to chat and catch up with my friend Stephenie.

Mar showed me how to do some great effects with my phone camera. I am more impressed every day with the things that little device can do.

We enjoyed the beautiful fall colors, sipped all kinds of herbal infusion samples, and enjoyed a great tour (a funny tour guide was a bonus).

There were people from all over the world on the tour with us - Canada, Germany, Australia... other countries I would be guessing at because I can't remember... and the U.S. Seriously, it felt like we were the only locals in the group.

I learned a ton about TEA. For example, the kind of tea we don't drink (you can check out why here under the Word of Wisdom tab) actually contains the TEA plant, and comes in three varieties: black, green, and white. Back in the 60's (or was it the 70's), Celestial Seasonings started by making "herbal infusions" from herbs and plants found in the Rocky Mountains near Boulder, which they called "tea" only for marketing purposes. They eventually added true tea varieties as the company grew, but their top 6 bestsellers do not contain the tea plant. They purchase all kinds of herbs and plants from around the world. 

It smelled amazing as we walked through the factory.

It was interesting to know that a half-size box of Celestial Seasonings tea sells from $18 to $20 in Europe. I can't complain that a full size box around these parts sells for 2 to 3 bucks.

Mar and I selected a couple of our favorite flavors to bring home:

Country Peach Passion

Honey Vanilla Chamomile

and Sugar Cookie Sleigh Ride

We were each given packets of Black Cherry Berry as our ticket for the tour, which Mar tried for the first time a few days later before declaring that it is now her new favorite.

I wish Shi and Lex had taken me up on the offer to come along - I think they would have enjoyed it.

I went to lunch on Wednesday and Thursday (and again this past Monday).

When I schedule lunch with friends, I am reminded of a talk by Julie B. Beck given at BYU Women's Conference 2010 on priorities. She listed three categories in order of importance, the first being {the essential}, the second {the necessary}, and then:
"The third category has to do with {the nice to do} things. Those are crafts and hobbies and recreational reading and movies and travel and lunches with friends... These things won't save us. They add variety to our lives, but they won't save us. When our priorities are on that list, and our time is devoted to those nice-to-do things, our priorities are out of order, and we lose power."

In my why-I-lunched-with-friends-so-much-this-week defense, Rebecca had invited me to join her and another friend who has been experiencing some family health challenges (and who I also visit teach) for lunch on Thursday. That was on the calendar. On Wednesday, my friend Jeanne came to the salon for a hair appointment, then asked if I had plans for lunch. I didn't. She is a recent empty-nester, her married daughter-and-family AND her husband had been out of town for the week, and her mother is very sick in another state. I could tell she could use someone to talk to. Afterwards, I invited her to lunch with us on Thursday. Monday was Jeanne's birthday, so we went to lunch. Again. That was a lot of lunching, and I packed on a few pounds to prove it. Honestly, my usual lunch-with-friends schedule is once a month (in conjunction with a temple session with my friend Marci), sometimes twice (usually a birthday or special occasion).

I had to share one of the 20 pictures I took of Rebecca at our lunch on Thursday.
I was surrounded by 4 ladies with their i-phones, chatting up emoticons, and I had to show them how awesome my glorious-but-not-as-fashionable Galaxy was. (Seriously, people, SWIPE.) I showed them the trick Mar had taught me just a few days earlier: The burst shot. In 5 seconds my phone took 20 pictures. Could their i-phones do that? Nope. And during that same lunch, I enabled emoticons on my phone. See? It can do that, too. 
Rebecca is moving soon. I am so sad. There's nothing like having some of the best neighbors EVER up and leave after nearly 12 years. Another reason to lunch a lot in the next month or two.


It snowed on Friday. Mar and Cass made a snowman to celebrate.

Here's what he looked like this morning:

Face down, in the grass.

Here's a quick snippet of Shi, working away on one of her final value projects:

She started this project about a year and a half ago. She didn't quite finish on Friday, so we plan to git 'er done this week. My Her goal: Personal Progress completed by November 3rd.

We finished off the week with the first club swim meet of the season on Saturday.

Shilo swam well, with her biggest improvement in the 200Free. 10+ seconds. Nice.
The high school swim season is right around the corner.
Shilo has decided NOT to pursue a college swimming career, so we are encouraging her to "leave it all in the pool" each and every event. Go out with a bang. She hopes to qualify for State in at least 2 individual events this year and be a team captain. She will have a new coach, so our fingers are crossed that the season will be good.

This week we are getting back to the routine. It takes me a while to adjust.